Wednesday, January 25, 2017

No writing income, mother is an expense, brother a pain

   Dear Journal and if anyone ever reads this:
I am somewhat blue right now. This legal aid agency keeps emailing and/or faxing information that is either incomplete or I can't "open it," the brother is again bothering my mother over money concerns (I'm trying to get conservatorship over her and power of attorney away from him) and "I" have money concerns. I can't really afford to send the danged group home $700 a month!
   So I get an email from a writing website and this person said she earned $87,000 writing. I can't get a naturalist member to allow me to write about her for the newspaper -- I earned a whole $100 last year. I am down and disgusted about my writing life. 

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Mother Taken Care of Finally

     It's been a stressful several months. When you live a few thousand miles away from an elderly parent who is stubborn as all get-out, then you find yourself facing extreme circumstances -- such as her being homeless, of all things. She sold her little house for a song, my brother spent most of the money in 2 months, then they were bounced out of a few apartments because he didn't have the presence of mind to make certain the rent was paid! Really, could you be more incompetent (or was that money going toward Vegas gambling and spending way too much on food and other things, never living on a budget)?
     She is now in a group home. She says it is the "Howard Hughes Group Home" but I googled it and it wasn't found under that name. I hope my package of magazines reaches her because I believe I have the correct street address!

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Weight Watchers is not easy

    I have started the "Weight Watchers" program but with any weight loss regimen, it can be hard to follow it all the time. The other day, for example, the hubby made the quick, simple meal of kielbasa with some fried up onions and peppers and potatoes. Well, they say in WW that you can eat all the vegetables and fruit you want. But not exactly.
    Potatoes, corn, and peas are not free. They have points. Yes, it has a point system and it emphasizes eating protein but you have to watch your meat. Lean chicken (no bone or skin) attached is only 2 points for three ounces. But kielbasa, three ounces of that is, over 10! If it's fat and greasy, you need to avoid it.
    So I am learning the points system. And they encourage you exercising. I think eventually, if you lose your intended weight then you can eventually swap out the exercise points for food points, or something on that order. 

Monday, February 1, 2016

The Challenges of Eldercare and health

     As you get older, sometimes you become part of the "sandwich generation," caring for your children while also worrying your elderly parents. For me, it is the "older" adults who are so darn childish. I have one parent left. She is a handful, and she is this way because my brother, who is on disability, is still financially dependent on her. And she's 95! One of these days, she won't be there. Then, what will Jay do?
    Jay, like other people with family members who are leeches, didn't pay the rent while my mother was in the hospital. She fell out of  bed, her leg got bloodied, but she didn't break a leg or suffer a heart attack. Amazingly, she is on insulin and eight medicines and can barely walk but keeps on going. She "should" be in a nursing home or assisted living. She refuses to leave her home for assisted care, refuses to move to the East coast where her daughters are, and refuses to leave her darling, perfect son.
   He's no darling. He has financially abused the family for years, gambling and spending her money and expecting everyone else to pay their bills. Walking around toothless and hopped up on pain killers, she prefers his care over mine, even though he recently smashed up the car and they have no funds left from the sale of the house.
   What can I do? She COULD go into  ADULT FOSTER CARE. Adult foster care is a "real" thing. It isn't just for kids. If you google "adult foster care" for your state you'd find a number you can call. For me, this will be a long road ahead. She believes he is an angel. My own mother-in-law was in adult foster care because she was turning into an alcoholic and couldn't be left alone after her husband died. There are possibilities out there and I am going to investigate! 

Monday, December 21, 2015

A Challenge with an Autistic Adult

    It's been about 2 months and during that time my life has changed as I have dealt with an autistic adult, my (unidentical twin) sister. You see, she's lived all her life (55+ years) with our parents and never been out there on her own. Now she is here, 2,000 miles from where she lived in Nevada, surrounded by trees she adores ("I have the best apartment," she tells me. "The sun comes in the window and I look out on that tree" near her door). Nevada, much of it, I assume, is desert. They have palm trees in Las Vegas but I don't know how they survive all the dry weather. "The Strip" even has fake grass in its road median it's so dry there.
    She arrived by plane, based on an ultimatum of a rather unfriendly, selfish (and sometimes quite sick, a lot of it his fault) younger brother. He has a weird ailment called "Morgellon's disease" and has these open sores that sometimes make him quite miserable. At one point, he went to the hospital as there was a lot of blood (or oozing poisons, it is hard to say which) coming from wounds on his arms and legs. My mother, who was ready to give away paintings of my father and my brother's car, was ready to "move on" without him, with her and my twin living in an apartment somewhere nearby. But he rallied, and the behavior that has come with this ailment had him threatening to kill my sister with a knife or gun.
    She relayed this to me and I told my husband, who quickly said I should call the police. Later, the next day or so, my mother said the police came and she said it was "just a mis-understanding." She has always supported him and his angry behavior, no matter what, leaving my mentally challenged sister totally unprotected. My husband was angry about this and I said, "so we're going to bring her here?" 
    No long after that, the Nevada family contingent said they'd sold their house and instead of my mother and sister living in an apartment together and the brother nearby, "he" decides "he" will live with my mother in an apartment and the handicapped sister moves cross country, to Virginia. Not that she was against the idea; she was ready to leave the desert years ago. But was I ready?
    Fast forward 2 months, and after the stress of finding a tiny apartment on short notice (and my mother saying my brother doesn't feel well, so my sister can't leave), then me "telling" them the move has been arranged, no matter what, it's been an adjustment, dealing with her.
    She displays many of the classic symptoms of autism spectrum disorder: repetitive behaviors, like spraying her face and head with water because she says she has dry skin; inability to have a real 2 way conversation, as everything is all about her; taking offense at any suggestions to change or modify her behavior; acquiring more and more paper for her fantasy of a "writing business" where she makes money off of the internet (which I myself have had an impossible job of doing); talking loudly, especially to emphasize a point, as though I couldn't hear her to begin with.
    And there is her stubbornness. There are websites that suggest that you can get help with your symptoms, but as the child of someone who bragged she didn't go to the doctor for 30 years, she would be impossible to bring to a doctor for accurate diagnosis. She seems to have this huge inferiority complex, such that my mother says I should praise her and not criticize her. But if she is going to live on her own in her own apartment, is that totally realistic? My husband actually thinks I am "too patient" with her!
    So where do you draw the line? I have considered going to a support group for my situation. This is a challenge and not easy. Some retirement!

Wednesday, November 4, 2015


 So I was all set with this idea of my somewhat autistic sister coming to live here. We had gotten her a tiny apartment, not much bigger than a motel room, and she said that was fine. I told her I was calling American Airlines about someone to help her around the airport and then she says my brother is and she can't go.
  My brother has not been well, physically or psychologically, for a very long time. He has a weird ailment, Morgelons, and he breaks out in rash and lashes out at people, threatening my sister. A few weeks ago he threatened to kill her if she didn't come to Virginia and he moved into an apartment with just my mother, as my mother had suddenly sold her home. She said she didn't want to keep asking family members for money for house expenses, but my brother (who relatives say) is abusing pain pills or gambling or worse, with at least some of the money.
    So I call and argue with them over the phone. She can't go, I have a rash, I don't feel good, she has to help Ma. And when was the last time Ma helped her? Oldest sister Roberta came and took care of basically 3 handicapped people for 7 months and basically had a nervous breakdown.
    But when your brother is in denial about his sad situation and wants to hold onto your handicapped sister, what are you going to do? I am disgusted with mother and brother both.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Wedding a glorious time

    It seems like longer ago than that, but despite not having lost weight in time for oldest son Zeb's wedding, I managed to fit in my outfit and had a good time dancing at the reception two weeks ago. Ah yes, weddings are a joyful time for families to get together and enjoy each other's company for a brief time. We danced up a storm to the "mostly" fast songs at the reception, which was held in the same hall as the wedding ceremony itself.