It's been about 2 months and during that time my life has changed as I have dealt with an autistic adult, my (unidentical twin) sister. You see, she's lived all her life (55+ years) with our parents and never been out there on her own. Now she is here, 2,000 miles from where she lived in Nevada, surrounded by trees she adores ("I have the best apartment," she tells me. "The sun comes in the window and I look out on that tree" near her door). Nevada, much of it, I assume, is desert. They have palm trees in Las Vegas but I don't know how they survive all the dry weather. "The Strip" even has fake grass in its road median it's so dry there.
She arrived by plane, based on an ultimatum of a rather unfriendly, selfish (and sometimes quite sick, a lot of it his fault) younger brother. He has a weird ailment called "Morgellon's disease" and has these open sores that sometimes make him quite miserable. At one point, he went to the hospital as there was a lot of blood (or oozing poisons, it is hard to say which) coming from wounds on his arms and legs. My mother, who was ready to give away paintings of my father and my brother's car, was ready to "move on" without him, with her and my twin living in an apartment somewhere nearby. But he rallied, and the behavior that has come with this ailment had him threatening to kill my sister with a knife or gun.
She relayed this to me and I told my husband, who quickly said I should call the police. Later, the next day or so, my mother said the police came and she said it was "just a mis-understanding." She has always supported him and his angry behavior, no matter what, leaving my mentally challenged sister totally unprotected. My husband was angry about this and I said, "so we're going to bring her here?"
No long after that, the Nevada family contingent said they'd sold their house and instead of my mother and sister living in an apartment together and the brother nearby, "he" decides "he" will live with my mother in an apartment and the handicapped sister moves cross country, to Virginia. Not that she was against the idea; she was ready to leave the desert years ago. But was I ready?
Fast forward 2 months, and after the stress of finding a tiny apartment on short notice (and my mother saying my brother doesn't feel well, so my sister can't leave), then me "telling" them the move has been arranged, no matter what, it's been an adjustment, dealing with her.
She displays many of the classic symptoms of autism spectrum disorder: repetitive behaviors, like spraying her face and head with water because she says she has dry skin; inability to have a real 2 way conversation, as everything is all about her; taking offense at any suggestions to change or modify her behavior; acquiring more and more paper for her fantasy of a "writing business" where she makes money off of the internet (which I myself have had an impossible job of doing); talking loudly, especially to emphasize a point, as though I couldn't hear her to begin with.
And there is her stubbornness. There are websites that suggest that you can get help with your symptoms, but as the child of someone who bragged she didn't go to the doctor for 30 years, she would be impossible to bring to a doctor for accurate diagnosis. She seems to have this huge inferiority complex, such that my mother says I should praise her and not criticize her. But if she is going to live on her own in her own apartment, is that totally realistic? My husband actually thinks I am "too patient" with her!
So where do you draw the line? I have considered going to a support group for my situation. This is a challenge and not easy. Some retirement!
