The Challenges of Eldercare and health

     As you get older, sometimes you become part of the "sandwich generation," caring for your children while also worrying your elderly parents. For me, it is the "older" adults who are so darn childish. I have one parent left. She is a handful, and she is this way because my brother, who is on disability, is still financially dependent on her. And she's 95! One of these days, she won't be there. Then, what will Jay do?
    Jay, like other people with family members who are leeches, didn't pay the rent while my mother was in the hospital. She fell out of  bed, her leg got bloodied, but she didn't break a leg or suffer a heart attack. Amazingly, she is on insulin and eight medicines and can barely walk but keeps on going. She "should" be in a nursing home or assisted living. She refuses to leave her home for assisted care, refuses to move to the East coast where her daughters are, and refuses to leave her darling, perfect son.
   He's no darling. He has financially abused the family for years, gambling and spending her money and expecting everyone else to pay their bills. Walking around toothless and hopped up on pain killers, she prefers his care over mine, even though he recently smashed up the car and they have no funds left from the sale of the house.
   What can I do? She COULD go into  ADULT FOSTER CARE. Adult foster care is a "real" thing. It isn't just for kids. If you google "adult foster care" for your state you'd find a number you can call. For me, this will be a long road ahead. She believes he is an angel. My own mother-in-law was in adult foster care because she was turning into an alcoholic and couldn't be left alone after her husband died. There are possibilities out there and I am going to investigate! 

Racial Identity, Education, Time to Figure Things Out

     I don't usually talk about racial issues (how many read this anyway), but this Rachel Dolezal controversy is interesting. It seems, at "Yes" magazine, one of their writers interviewed a few black associates of Dolezal and they wonder what all the fuss is about. That is kind of like those who worry you can't call a Native American an "Indian" anymore. Well, when you talk to them, a lot of them call themselves Indian, so what is all the fuss?
     It appears that Dolezal got into trouble by saying "I'm black," instead of "I identify with the struggles of the black community." She certainly doesn't have to worry about being pulled over by a traffic cop and getting shot at if she decides to flee. We still have too much "stranger danger" when it comes to black men, and maybe, especially in big cities with big black populations, schools and police departments should be talking about dispelling the myth that all black men are a menace.
     So maybe she didn't frame her concerns about the black community the correct way. It makes sense to say you "identify with" the black community, but not to say "I am" the black community. If she said she was black to gain leadership into the NAACP, then that was deceptive and not appropriate. But even so, how many white people go out of their way to claim they are black or would like to "black" in America? Being black in America, especially if you are a young man, can be dangerous.
    Maybe schools should have a dialogue with their students on the issue of racial identity. Maybe they should all go outside, commune with nature and gain a different perspective on things. We need a calmer society, one not jumping to conclusions in such a hurry all the time. We need time to figure things out.

A Winter's Work -- with nature

    Mid winter and although we have not had a big winter's storm in our town, some of us have appreciated it so that we can get outside and actually walk in winter. Thoreau was a winter walker (in New England winter is probably a "good portion" of the year) and even noted he came in from the cold once looking like a human icicle he was so covered in ice. (And it's no wonder he had lung problems later.) So I have a few times walked at the local Bissett Park and worked on getting some needed vitamin D from the sunlight too. The trees have been brown and the river  nearby has leisurely drifted along, with a few seagulls flying by recently. Where are they going? Heading south or north? Inland or back out to sea? Maybe they are in a quandary about what to do next.
     I was also grateful it was sunny recently so that I could help pull up "alien" invasive plants that are overrunning Virginia Tech's "Stadium Woods". Stadium Woods has been in the news and it seems there is still not a definite decision about whether to "save" the woods or not. The 300 year old oaks there should be made part of a historic site.

Memorial for JoAnn Asbury, health issues, cancer

     When a friend dies unexpectedly it is kind of a shock, and
when it is related to cancer, it gives you even more to think about. I felt I should go to be present for my English Club friend JoAnn Asbury and drove on roads that were getting a big sleety (is that a word?), but since it was a basically straight, level drive I thought it would be okay.
    The United Methodist Church where the service was held, (Pulaski, Virginia) was spacious-- well, it was weird. It looked like they had two santuaries/chapels, and I got there a few minutes late and couldn't seem to find anyone. But I finally found a "connecting" hall and someone directed me to the service in progress, which one of my English club alum from R. U. also came to late.
    The church chapel seemed, as I remembered it (Dec. 14) white and gold and with a poinsettias and red ribbons in a few areas. She probably wasn't expecting to miss the Christmas season. This memorial service, which I only happened to hear about through an email, surprised me as JoAnn had only been diagnosed with it in August or September, and she told me about it the beginning of October. I don't know very much at all about "multiple myeoloma" (sp?), but they are not sure what causes it. It is a cancer of the blood. She went for (I believe) a stem cell (or bone marrow) transplant, but had MRSA and pneumonia and so decided to go home to pass away.
     The immune system is implicated in this cancer (and many others, from what my research is showing). I knew she was overweight, exercised little, drank a lot of diet Coke and was under stress. Well, she had to put off retirement to put a roof on her house, then her older sister started acting senile after an operation and JoAnn mostly wound up babysitting her, and her husband has M. S. Some retirement! All this added up to a body not well protected from disease, though she did have a cheerful disposition when I saw her.
    A fellow teacher and another English professor, Parks Lanier, spoke about JoAnn, her laughter and  ideas when it came to teaching. She was an "untenured" professor (special purpose faculty), yet she won the "Dedmon" award for outstanding teaching. Yet that did not save her from cancer.
    There is really too much sugar (inflammatory to the system), especially at Christmastime, in the American diet. But I recently read you should drink cocoa and add some truvia and that will "Help" with inflammation.

Cancer Walk, How do we solve cancer?

    They tried to be amusing, with kids singing and clogging and otherwise distracting those who had taken a respite from walking. It was supposed to be an "all night" walk, this RELAY for cancer benefit, but how many stayed that long? I certainly didn't. I was surprised to see that you had to walk "12 times" around our elevated indoor track in order to make just a mile, though others were planning on walking several miles. Though not me.
    I wanted to exercise but was not that ambitious. AND, the spouse was going to pick me up and was not all that ambitious about walking either. Of course, when you are walking around with an old high school injury to your knee, PLUS you are diabetic, then walking whenever and wherever you want becomes problematic --- for him, at least. But he was my ride so I couldn't stay all night (it would be past his bedtime).
    I think these fundraisers are a good way for former cancer patients like myself to come together, but where the heck does the money go? Into finding new, more targeted cures? Toward helping someone afford a wig or some of those 'yucky' health drinks ( I never found Ensure to be palatable when I was sick)? Where does all the daggone money go? How about helping me afford healthcare NOW, like seeing a nutritionist or someone to help me de-stress?
     Cancer funds should go toward alternative treatments and cures, and cancer prevention. Does the American Cancer Society even "try" to promote prevention? I believe it should be one of their goals.

Still awaiting medical test results, neurotic cat

    Don't you just hate it when doctors take forever to get back to you? It's been about 10 days since my abdominal ultrasound, and I haven't gotten any results back. The xray of my hips didn't seem to turn up anything unusal, according to the report I just got in the mail. So I don't have ovarian cancer? What about my liver and lungs (still have a soreness in my back)?
    Once you've had cancer once you can get it again, it seems. And as I am typing this the cat is at my feet and trying to get into something (the closet, a space near a drawer) or into my lap. the spouse says she is neurotic because the dog is gone. Possibly. But in the winter she is "in and out" and in and out of the house, though there is a "cat door" in one of the porch doors so I don't have to get out in the cold to get her all the way outside.

Pursuing Writing Seems healthy, can be frustrating

     It seems the writing life (and by that, I mean striving to be a writer and learn more about it) agrees with me. I will be moving soon and I have a plethora of notebooks, hopefully with intelligent, helping writing material in them or ideas for writing articles and books. My oldest son has reminded me he will one day toss my magazines I save. But will he save my very own notebooks, especially the ones with some humor? Humor is good for your health and sometimes the writing life too.
    So I "helped" my writing life by going to a writer's club meeting at a fancy new library to learn about the publishing business. It is interesting that our speaker,  Kathleen Delaney, had lived out in CA. and written about the wine industry there. Wines -- made from grapes grown in a certain soil, picked at a certain time, fermenting for a certain length of time. It's very much an outdoor occupation, an interesting kind of work. And they say some wine is good for you, although, as a breast cancer survivor I'm not "supposed" to drink alcohol -- don't know if it's the sugar content (did you know cancer "loves" sugar) or the alchohol. Sugar all around is not too healthy an option, although a Dr. Wright says xylitol may actually prevent tooth decay (and is used in some gums).
    Anyway, guest speaker Delaney has some unique cozy mysteries out -- one is out by Poisoned Pen Press: And Murder for Dessert. She pointed out that she took adult extension courses to learn how to deal with things like structure, form and creating relationships in her writing. I think a lot of people just interested in memoirs could do something like that.
    Our meeting was at the "Tah Mahal"  of libraries  -- the new "Southside Library" in Roanoke, VA -- wow, with its big Marquee out front, like a half mile from this "edifice," and tribute to reading. There was a huge parking lot with a spacious downstairs. And besides book shelves there was an auditorium where they were showing a movie, and snack bar nearby (what? in a library, what is this, Barnes and Noble). And upstairs a private reading room with a fireplace (what is this, somebody's house) and with a big paperback book section too. The reference rep sais it only cost  around $15 million. Your tax dollars at work. And man, did they work! I need to come back sometime, for dinner and a movie! Ah, and also books, maybe books on writing.

Doctors, Options, Health after Cancer

    I guess I'm not any bigger a fan of going to the doctor than anybody else. But sometimes it's necessary. After you've had an operation, after you've had some
serious health problems (from broken bones to cancer), you have to do followup.And followups aren't the worse thing in the world, especially if you come prepared in advance with some questions.
    So I went to my doctor, oncologist to be specific, to do a "followup" and talk about ideas I had for different options. And for some reason a storm fell on the town, tossing old pine needles all over the parking lot. The lady who came in just after me was all worried about her just washed car. I'd had mine washed the other day and somehow didn't see the problem with the big trees beyond her parking space. But in a few minutes the wind whipped up hundreds of yellowing pine needles, splattering them unexpectedly on her  car and mine.
    Was this a sign of things to come? I was already a bit anxious about this visit as I was going to propose something different: alternative therapy. Those two words are an anathema to some doctors, who believe a patient wanting other options in treatment is some nutty crackpot. But I'd done a fair amount of research since learning I had breast cancer and done the "traditional" treatments, treatments that put me in the hospital and made me want to quit the whole dang business.
    But you can't trade bodies (at one point I said this to my spouse) and ignore health problems. You have to address them at some point or other, whether you like it or not. So I told the doc I had a wonderful assortment of side effects from taking this pill, Femara, and wanted to see about alternative therapy. His response was that Somers' book Knockout was basically anecdotal and that his research on women surviving cancer on "his pill" was backed up by studies. True, but at the cost of making me as
old inside as my mother, giving me her immune system and ultimately making me
vulnerable?
   Well -- surprisingly, he said we should do a bone density scan (back soreness being one of my complaints) and actually look into alternate therapies. What a surprise!